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plot summary: So, Anakin is all grown up now and Amidala (now a senator) is looking mighty foxy to him. And when someone tries to kill her, Anakin and his teacher Obi-Wan are brought in to protect her. Oh, yeah, and some light is finally shed on that whole "Clone Wars" thing you might remember them talking about in the original trilogy.
janice's pre-review: This is not actually a review since I haven't seen the movie yet. We're gonna see it tonight. : ) I just thought it would be interesting to record some of my thoughts prior to going in, and then record them again afterwards and see how they differ, you know, whether my expectations are met, exceeded or completely let down.
I'll be honest: I'm not really interested in seeing this movie. When I saw the first trailer, I wanted to throw up. It's been said before, but I'll say it again, it looked like Dawson's Creek in space. I could not have been more grossed out. And then I started reading reports of some of the dialogue, crap like, "I don't like sand. It's rough. Not like you. You're soft and smooth." Ewwww. Just writing that out makes me cringe! Plus, it looks like Amidala's outfits are getting a little, uh, revealing. Not a good thing.
Admittedly, some things have me a little giddy. As everyone knows, I think Ewan McGregor is the best actor around these days, and from what I've been hearing, he's easily the best one in this movie. He's added subtle touches of Alec Guiness' portrayal of Obi Wan to his own performance to really give that illusion of a young Obi Wan. In fact, if you get the new issue of TV Guide with the holographic cover of young and old Obi Wan, and you turn it from side to side, you can really see how much Ewan captures Alec!
And oddly enough, I'm pretty psyched about the fighting scenes. Isn't that odd? Usually filmmakers add a love story to bring in the female audience, and this time, it's actually making me not want to see it, LOL! So that's where I stand as of this afternoon. I'll write more tomorrow after I actually see it. (j.05.16.02, 3:00 p.m.)
janice's review 5.20.02: So, it's been a good couple of days since I've seen Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. I've had some time to get over my initial disgust, and I think I can give a fair level-headed review now.
So, it's safe to say, I didn't like this movie very much. And, I actually defended Phantom Menace! But I just can't keep defending the new SW movies. As much as I loved the original trilogy, and all the wonderful imagination and stories it gave to us, the new movies just can't compare. And this one has especially pissed me off completely. I won't say "never", but at this moment, I seriously don't know if I'm going to give Episode III a chance. I'm that disappointed and disillusioned in the franchise.
So, here's my review for Episode II. Anything that might be a spoiler (for those of you who haven't seen it yet), I am going to write in white text, so in order to read it, you'll have to highlight the text with your mouse, 'kay? Let's go:
• Anakin: Movie critics are going back and forth on Hayden Christiansen's performance. Well, here's where I stand: he sucked.
• The Anakin/Amidala relationship is unbelievable: Okay, something that bothers me about the new SW films is that you never really get a chance to get to know the characters or even to like them. Let's face it, the reason why the Leia/Solo relationship worked out was because we liked this rogue pilot and this headstrong princess. We enjoyed watching them get together! There was nothing enjoyable about the Anakin/Amidala hook up. The whole thing was creepy because we didn't have a strong backstory. Are we really expected to believe that they fell in love that quickly? I think, in order for this relationship to have played out, they should have started building it in Episode I. Which would've been gross since the age difference was so noticeable. Why did they have such an age difference to begin with anyway?
• More on Anakin's lousy characterization: Something else that bothered me was that Anakin is a jerk totally up-front in this movie. He's completely bratty and unlikeable. Instead of showing us that he has a bond to Obi-Wan, he has to tell us that "he's like a father" to him. Twice. But do we really see any kind of relationship there? No. So Anakin is a total brat, and it's like, where is this coming from? In Episode I, Anakin was all kind and generous. "Oh, hello strangers! Do you need somewhere to take shelter from the sandstorm? Please come join me and my mother in our hut! We'll make food for you. Oh, do you need parts for your cruiser? Well, even though I don't know you, I will gladly risk my life in a pod-race." See what I mean? And in Episode II, we see none of this benevolence! Very stupid.
• And why would she love him anyway?: So, in one scene, Anakin [[kills off a bunch of innocent Tusken Raiders in a murderous rampage.]] And when he tells her about it, she barely blinks!!! She's a senator, for crying out loud!!! And she marries him anyway?!?! Whatever!
• Amidala's annoying voice: Okay, I wasn't crazy about her stupid accent in Episode I, but at least it gave her character a bit of nobility and other-worldliness. By allowing Natalie Portman to use her real speaking voice in this one, Amidala sounded like a stupid suburban teen! I think Mike nailed it when he said she sounded like Tracy Flick, Reese Witherspoon's annoying over-acheiver in the movie "Election"! HA!
• Natalie Portman Sucks Ass: Let's face it people, she really can't act. She's only in this movie as eye-candy for all the stupid horny sci-fi boys who can't find dates. Again, we have some piss-poor characterization of Queen Amidala here: in Episode I, she was very formal and regal. In Episode II, she's a total tease. She tells Anakin they cannot have a relationship, but then she wears practically nothing with no bra and bounces in front of him. Every stupid SW geek on the web cannot stop talking about seeing her nipples through that tight white costume she wears. And when her outfit gets torn in the ring? Give me a break! It's total cheese. I'd also like to note that the S&M-black dress that Amidala wears was designed by Mr. George Lucas himself. *cough*dirtyoldman!*cough* Queen Amidala has been turned into nothing but the sleaziest of female characters. She has no redeeming quality and regardless of what Natalie keeps telling the press, she is NOT a good role model for young girls! Disgusting! : (
And let's not forget Anakin: And, Lucas, EWWWWWWW!!! That scene with the shirtless writhing Christiansen in bed, moaning and groaning, his naked chest thrusting from beneath the covers?!?! WHAT THE HELL?!?! : (
• Did I mention Natalie Portman sucks? There's one scene where [[Amidala falls down a sand dune and Anakin is desperate to go save her. She's laying there for quite some time, supposedly injured. But then someone runs up and asks, "Are you all right?" and she just jumps to her feet and says, "Yeah! Let's go fight!"]] Everyone in the audience burst out laughing. It was so, so, so seriously lame.
• The scene where Shmi [[dies]]: This scene should not have been so funny. But it was. And I like Pernilla August! I thought she was one of the best things about Phantom Menace. But for some reason, this scene does not play well at all. Poor Pernilla.
janice's review 5.27.02: Okay, rant slightly over. :) After reading what I wrote above, I thought about deleting it all and starting over again, but in the interest of anthropology, I'm going to go ahead and leave it as-is.
So, I saw the movie again on Wednesday, May 22nd, since our work took everyone for free. (I love where I work!) Honestly, I didn't hate it as much as I did the first time I saw it. I don't know if that's because I'd already been subjected to the bad dialogue and smuttiness of it and was more prepared, or maybe there are other factors that I'm not realizing. It was interesting watching it with a more-detached audience. I mean, if you saw it on opening day, then chances are, you're a huge Star Wars fan and have a little bias. But with the Wednesday afternoon audience, no one appluaded when "Lucasfilm" appeared on the screen, nor when the classic scroll began. There was much more snickering at the lame dialogue. No one (besides our friend Chris) snickered during Shmi's scene. But people did laugh at stupid Padme's aforementioned scene. (It's really just that stupid.)
So I've seen it twice now. That's it for me. I'm not as ragingly disgusted with it as I was last week, but I'm still not in love with it either.
But, to be fair, here are the cool aspects of the film:
• Ewan McGregor: This man can make even the dorkiest dialogue sound somewhat decent. I love how he really had a chance to show off more acting prowess in this one, and how he's really "becoming" Alec Guiness with his mannerisms and appearance. He's really the best thing about Episode II.
• Again Ewan: I love the scene where he jumps out of Padme's window. Not the chase scene that follows. But just that brief moment, where he just leaps! It's very exhilrating!
• Yoda: Well, duh.
And that's it.
last note from janice 06.17.02: Okay, i just really, really, really don't like Natalie Portman anymore:
''I hadn't even seen a Star Wars movie until I got the part,'' Portman says. ''I mean, come on. I'm a girl. But in this one, you have a hunky guy in Hayden. Even when he's not being lovey-dovey, the girls can focus on his muscles when he's fighting. There's always something for the girls to keep their eyes on.'' --- Natalie, from the May 10th edition USA Today.
Good lord, when did she transform into Jennifer Love Hewitt? And what's this "Come on, I'm a girl" crapola?! God, I hate idiotic, sexist tripe like that! I'm a girl, and I love classic Star Wars! Jeez.... >:(
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